September 15, 2014 – one year later….

I am going to be writing something personal today…  nothing related to papercrafting.   I wrote this for my personal blog and wanted to share it here as you know I’ve been struggling with scrapbooking for the last 12 months.

As most of you know that one year ago today my parents in law were in a fatal motorcycle accident.  Dad was killed instantly.  Mom held on for 8 weeks in ICU and Rehab before falling to her death.

A year has gone by as of today.. it still doesn’t feel like it’s real.. it feels like to me that we’re stuck in a dream cycle but aware of it. At that moment when we got the call, I still remember and can still feel the sinking feeling when a friend called to give us a head up that there was a motorcycle accident with trike that looked like their and wanted us to call Mom and Dad to make sure it wasn’t them. I knew it was them but didn’t want to believe it. I don’t remember much once we got the confirmation. All I remember was trying to get my family together.

We weathered the storm together. There were so many dramas and bullcraps that people did to us with little respect. There are a few things I’m still angry about, but know that there’s nothing I can do about it because those people just plain refuses to acknowledge what they did. They think they earned the right to do those things, but they didn’t. They still haven’t apologized to our family. I am still waiting for that and I know we won’t get that apology. That is okay because it’s all on them now. I know mom and dad would say it’s past that and that it’s out of of our hands. So I have just let that slide and have cut those people out of our lives.

We had our many firsts things without them and it was just downright wrong but we got through it because like I said mom and dad wouldn’t want us to spend all of our time moping and feeling sad all the time. If you really knew them; they were always around with a smile no matter how hard things were.

There are so many times that I’d pick my phone up to text mom and dad about things only to realize a fraction second later that I couldn’t. I still have their numbers and email address in my phone. I still can’t bring myself to delete them.

All I can do is to remind myself to keep pushing through when there are so many times where I just wanted to give up and crawl in a hole and stay there.

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